I've been a little busy...

Seriously, a lot busy.  With a big move to Germany, I haven't had 1) access to my measuring tape and 2) time to even think about measuring my body.

But, today... as I unpacked the box that happened to have my measuring tape in it, I stopped to take my measurements.  Here's what I found... I've lost 8.5 inches since January and 68.25 inches in total!!!!

I wasn't happy though to see my bust shrink another 2 inches.  Ugh.  BUT I was very happy to see my waist and hips still shrinking!! Yay!

Click on image below to see it bigger!

May - Then and Now

A year ago... my life changed.  It changed in ways it has never changed before.

- My husband came home from Iraq for almost a month.
- My mother died.
- I lived my last month as a fat girl.

I've been going back looking at a lot of pictures from May of 2010 and realizing how fat I really was.  I mean... I knew the number on the scale said 325 and holy shit, that is a lot... but I never really truly looked at myself as being that big.   I saw the pictures, I knew I was huge... but I never really felt it in my core that I was so big.

I guess I always felt I looked, even at 325lbs, the way I do now... beautiful.   I guess I was in denial.  Because 325lbs was not beautiful.  

And.... to be really honest here.  I do not know what my husband saw in that fat girl.  Seriously.  She is not pretty. I feel so blessed to know that my husband loves me for who I really am inside.

Let's take a look back at some pictures of me from a month before my surgery - May 2010.

My husband is so tiny sitting next to me. 

The baby shouldn't be the same size as my face. 

I'm was the size of all three of my friends put together.  Sad. 

The width of my midsection and the size of my neck astound me looking back at these pictures. 

Let's move on to the good stuff..... here are some pictures from May 2011.   This is how I've always pictured myself looking.  It's amazing to finally realize that I'm actually there.  I'm healthy, in shape, and at a weight where I don't look like a balloon.  

Is that my neck and cheeks?  I actually have a face! 

Uhm... am I actually smaller across than my husband now?  YES!

:) Happy :) 

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Weight Loss Recap
Today's weight: 186lbs
Total weight loss: 139lbs
Weight loss since surgery: 128lbs
BMI: 29.1

Feeeeel the burn!

I did it.  I went to the gym on post for the first time today.  And really... it wasn't that scary.  There were LOTS of other ladies my age going in and out of the gym so I just followed a few of them in and did what they did.

I didn't have to sign up with a membership or anything.  Just walked up to the counter, scanned my military ID card, grabbed a towel and went to the locker room.  Easy peasy.  

I didn't check out much of the gym... I just went straight to the machines where I found the bikes.  There were at least three different ones to choose from, so I just picked one in front of a TV with baseball on,  of course.

Ok.  Here we go.  How does this darn thing turn on?  haha  I hit the cardio button and it asks me my age, how long I want to ride the bikes and what my target heart rate should be.  33, 20 minutes, 125 bpm.

And I'm off.  About 8 minutes into it I'm noticing that things are a little easy and I'm not really working up a sweat, so I bump up the heart rate to 150 and BAM... here comes the sweat!  And I was feeling good!

14 minutes in I thought to myself... ya know, I could totally do 30 minutes on this bike.  So, I upped the time and BAM!  30 minutes.  No problem.  And actually... I ended up doing 34 minutes because I added a 4 minute cool down period too!

34 minutes, 12 1/4 miles, averaged about 150 bmp, and I got up to level 2 of resistance.  Not too bad for my first ride.

I decided too that I'm going to track those numbers and see how things change every week.  I'm hoping to do some time on the bike and then add the elliptical machine or rowing machine.  Maybe even work up to doing some weights too.

Horray for a free gym!!! Now all I need to find is someone to go with me!!  (Chrissy?  Brittany?)  haha

Is that a flat tummy?

Well sorta. It only looks flat because of the leggings I've got pulled up to my boobs.  But hey, that's not the point.  The point is this:

I weigh ONE HUNDRED NINETY POUNDS!  What?  Huh 190lbs? Yes.  That is correct!

So... for all you math geeks out there, that's a grand total of 135lbs down from my highest weight of 325lbs.

Today, I also was determined to find some summer clothes since it's in the 70's here now.  I can't wear sweaters and leggings forever! So... to the PX I went to try on everything they had... again.  I DID though find 2 pairs of capri pants and a few shirts.  Guess what size they were?

12!  I'm a size 12 pant now!!!!  I fluxuate between a M, L and XL in shirts though, depending on the fit.  But, both pairs of capri's I got were a 12!   I don't think  I've been a size 12 since jr high!  I can't believe that I've started shrinking again!!

And you know what... it's totally because I started exercising again.  I've walked/run several times in the last week and I feel great about it!  The scale is moving and it's because I'm exercising and eating right!  It's such a great motivator!

Yay!

One last thing... my BMI has dropped from being "Obese" to just "Overweight" at 29.8.  Sweet! My BMI before surgery was 50.9.

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Weight Loss Recap
Today's weight: 190lbs
Total weight loss: 135lbs
Weight loss since surgery: 124lbs
BMI: 29.8

I'm better than I think!

So remember that meltdown I had a couple days ago? The one where I admitted to eating cheetos and pepsi?  Well... it wasn't as bad as I thought.  I bought a scale at the PX and then this morning, I stepped on it.

194lbs.

131lbs total lost.

Woah.   Seriously?  Cause when I got on the plane to Germany... I was hovering around 199-201.  It would change daily, but it wasn't dropping.

So...  I guess I wasn't doing as bad as I thought and I really just needed to give myself a break.

Life, my weight loss, diet, exercise... it's not always going to go smoothly.  I have to remember that.  This is for  LIFE.  It's going to be a long journey... did you hear that,  a JOURNEY.  Not a sprint.  It's going to have big hills for me to get over... like this move... but, I will  reach the TOP and  I will coast down the other side to victory... just  like I'm doing now.

I bought new workout clothes... size L in Adidas stuff.  I've never been a size L in athletic stuff.... EVER.  It was awesome being able to try on anything I wanted to.  (PS... thanks Tressa for the advice on what kind of stuff to get!)  I can't wait until my running shoes get here. I don't want to have to spend $80 on another pair when I already have a pair.

Speaking of running.  I started.  Well, more like running and walking. But... I'm running more, longer, than I ever have before. Ever. Ever.  Ever!!  It feels good. I can't wait to do it again tomorrow.

So... yeah.  One day at a time.  Motivation, self assurance, and know that I CAN DO THIS!

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Weight Loss Recap

Today's weight: 194lbs
Total weight loss: 131lbs
Weight loss since surgery: 120lbs

Let's keep it real...

I'm going for 100% transparency here.  I'm gonna keep it real and be real honest with myself and the world.

Since I've been in Germany... I've fallen off the wagon.  I've cheated.  I've not eaten what I'm supposed to and I've reverted back to some really bad habits.

When we first arrived,  I had a hard time finding greek yogurt, I didn't have a place to cook lean meats, and was eating out a lot.  But, I was also walking 40-60 minutes a day and was feeling okay.

Now, I'm in my house... and I run to the Shopette or Commissary and pick up anything that sounds good.  Donuts, cheetos, soft salty pretzels, bread, cookies.  I've been eating it all.  Oh... and drinking Pepsi.  I started again.  Last night for dinner, I made my favorite meal ever, Hamburger Casserole, and I wanted nothing to do with it.  I drank a pepsi and ate cheetos again.

What the fuck am I doing?  Pepsi and Cheetos for dinner?  Seriously, Betsy?!?! Do you want to get fat again?

I know what the problem is.  I'm alone, sad, and am eating my feelings.  I haven't felt like this since I had this surgery and now... I'm forgetting everything I learned and I'm eating my feelings.

I need a reality check.  I need a scale.  I need to see how many pounds I've gained.  But, I can't.... my scale won't be here until late May.  Maybe I just need to go to the thrift store and buy the one there I saw for $1.  I've been in there twice to look at it, but I've been scared to bring it home and step on it.

Scared.  Yes.  I'm scared to let myself down.  To be a failure.  Scared to see that I'm getting fat again.

I don't want to be fat again.

So... what am I going to do?  I don't know.  Throw away all the junk food I just bought?  Go to the commissary and buy all new healthy options?  I'm supposed to start exercising with a new friend I made here next week. I want to take a Zumba class at the gym.  That's what I should do.  I know it.  What will I do?  I don't know.

I know you guys will read this and want to give me encouraging words.... and thank you.  That's really sweet and nice and encouraging of you to want to say such things to me.  But, I don't really need to be reminded of how strong I am, how hard I've worked, blah blah blah.  I just need someone to understand what I'm feeling and share words of wisdom.  Share what's worked for them and help guide me in the right direction.

Today.  I will bake, relieve stress, give away said baked goods and... I will go for a walk.

Start small.  I can do this.

Jet lag & Lack of protein = SUCKY!

So I've made it to Germany... but my tummy is not happy.  Starting from the plane ride until now, my diet has been wacky.  I tried to plan my best by packing protein friendly snacks, but without a fridge to keep things cold, this was tough.

So now... a few days into things, my body is all out of wack and I'm feeling the consequences physically from not eating enough protein and whole foods.

Before I left, I was eating 50-60g of protein a day and now I'm lucky to have gotten that much since I left.  *BIG SIGH*

My stomach is in knots, my body aches, I can't sleep.  I need to make some changes.

So, it's 2:45am, I'm eating a Greek yogurt with honey and berries, trying to give my stomach something it'll recognize and be happy with.

Tomorrow, breakfast will not start with a pastry or crappy restaurant food.  It will start with protein.  Even if I have to eat more yogurt.

Seriously, if I have to eat this greek yogurt everyday until I can get to the a place where I can make or buy whole foods and lean proteins... I will.

My body can't last like this much longer.

Oh, by the way, my scale has been packed which means I won't be able to weight myself until it gets to me in about a month or so.  This will be a true test of my ability to stay on track with this life style.

Wish my tummy luck!

Mmmmmmm steak

Early post-op when I was first learning to re-eat meats... I tried steak.  Sadly, it did not settle well in my pouch and it ended up in the toilet.  It just felt so heavy in my stomach and it physically hurt.  I knew then that I'd probably not be able to tollerate steak again.  Seriously, I was devestated.  I love a really good, medium rare, juice, sirlon steak.  Oh... with lots of garic.  Yes please.  So, I cried at this revelation and moved on. 

About a month ago, my family and I went out for dinner to a steak restaurant and I ordered a steak.  I had been doing well at 7 months out with solid foods... eating slow... and keeping things down and thought I'd give it a whirl.  Worst case scenario: I end up in the bathroom before the night was over. 

I get my steak, cut into the juicy tenderness and take a bite.  I am reminded right away why I love steak so much.   And now, if this can stay down.... it's so high in protein, I would want to eat steak all the time!  

Chew... chew... chew.... chew.... seriously, I spent a minute at least chewing the first bite of steak.  Swallow.  Then wait.  

Wait some more... then, it hits me!  My tummy isn't freaking out.  Let's try another piece!  This went on for a good 45 minutes.  Bite, chew, chew, chew, swallow, wait... until I had eaten about 5oz of steak.  

Not once did my stomach feel upset.  Not once did I feel like I had over ate.  Not once did my stomach feel anything but good!!  Horrray! Had I hopped over this hurdle of not being able to try steak?  I sure hoped so!! Steak is so high in protein and so delicious! 

I decided I needed to test out eating steak again and again.  So far, I've had it three times in the last month or so and each time.... I eat about 5-6 oz over an hour or so and I keep it all down...  no pain! 

I am so darn excited about this!!! Last night my hubby and I went out to The Keg and I really ate almost 1/2 a 12oz steak plus some veggies!!  

Yay for steak!!!!! Yay for my pouch being able to handle it!!! 

Happy Birthday to Me!

Last year on my birthday I weighed 325lbs.  This year on my birthday I weighed 202lbs.

123lb difference!!

I spent the day with my BFF Jen at the Hard Rock Cafe, the same place we went last year! So, of course, I had her take some pictures so I could do a side-by-side comparison of the difference a year can make!

Click on the picture to make it bigger! 

We tried going up on the roof so I could get the same picture as last year, but it was closed.  So we went out on the street and got this shot for the comparison!

Click on the picture to make it bigger! 

I'm really looking forward to seeing what the next year brings me!!! Just about 26 days or so until I start my journey with my family to Germany! 

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Weight Loss Recap

Today's weight: 201lbs
Total weight loss: 124bs
Weight loss since surgery: 113lbs

Bras and Boobs

Ok men... you might want to stop reading, cause this one is more of a post the ladies can relate with!! haha

Bras and Boobs!

So, back when I was fat (ha! I love saying that!) and weighed 325lbs... I was a 44C... probably even a 46, but I wouldn't let myself buy that big of a bra. I had a really hard time finding bras that weren't expensive, that were cute and that fit.  I really only had one choice of where to get bras.... Lane Bryant.  Torrid had some, but they always ran a little too small for me.  Lane Bryant bras ran about $35-50 each and sometimes had sales... so I'd get two during their buy one get one half off.

Back in September... I decided it was time to buy new bras.  So, I went to the only place I knew... Lane Bryant... and got sized.  40D.  Huh?  D?  Seriously? I just lost 80lbs... how did my boobs get bigger?  I had the lady measure again and yup... my boobs were BIGGER!!  When I stopped to think about it... it kinda made sense, right?  My body got smaller around, making my cup size bigger?? Or maybe more of what it truly was?? Ugh.   I don't know. So, I bought two new bras for A LOT of money in size 40D.  Fine.  I have bigger boobs.  Whatever.

Yesterday,  my friend Desi took me to Ross to shop for bras.  Ross, I thought, really? They don't have anything that will fit me?  Oh... I was wrong.  They had bras.  TONS of them.  And... get this... for only $5.99!!!  What? GET OUT OF TOWN!!!! Hells yes!!!

Ok, so I'm in the fitting room and I get to tryin' on some of these super cute bras.  38D.  Yup.... got even smaller.  I'm in the land of the 30's now! YEEEAHHHOOOOOO!!!  I even tried on some 38C's but really my boobs just don't fit into them.   So.... D cup I am!  And a 38 at that!  Hecks yeah!!

I don't know if I've ever been a 38 as an adult.  Maybe back in high school... I don't really remember what size I wore back then.  But even then, I was a size 18/20 and now I'm a 14... so I couldn't have been a 38.

So, here they are... my new $5.99 bras.  Great price... even better size.

PS.  Tomorrow is my birthday and I'm going back to the same restaurant that I went to last year and that all my "before" pictures are from.  Yeah, that's me at my highest weight up there in the black and white dress... 325lbs.  I bought a new dress and plan to take some new pictures for a big "One Year Later" blog post!!! Can't wait!!!

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Weight Loss Recap

Today's weight: 202lbs
Total weight loss: 123bs
Weight loss since surgery: 112lbs

Peanut Butter Protein Bar

I tried a new recipe tonight.  Granola bars.   I have never made them before but I've been trying to find a good tasting protein bar that didn't have a ton of crap in it.  So... I came up with this.

The great thing about these bars is that Emily loves them too.  They're a yummy combo of sweet and chocolate.  Really good!

Skinny Betsy's Peanut Butter Protein Bar

Makes 12 bars.
Each bar has approx. 10-11g of protein.

4 cups granola/rolled oats

4 scoops vanilla protein powder
1/2 cup chopped peanuts
3/4-1 cup honey

3/4-1 cup peanut butter

1/3 cup dried, diced apples

1/2 cup chocolate chips

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. 
2. Using non-stick spray, spray a 9x13 baking dish.
3. In a large bowl, combine the protein powder, rolled oats and chopped peanuts until well mixed.  
4. Add the honey and stir together with a wooden spoon until all the mixture is "wet" with honey.  You may need to add a tablespoon or so more at a time until it's all mixed in.  
5. In a small sauce pan, melt the peanut butter and add it to the mixture.  Use the spoon to incorporate, add more peanut butter if you feel it needs it.  There are really no rules here.  
6. Add the chocolate chips and apples and mix in.  You might need to get your hands in there and really incorporate it all together.  
7. Press the granola into the baking dish.  Use a piece of wax paper to press the granola down, it's sticky.  
8. Bake for 18-20 minutes or until golden brown.  Do not over bake or the edges will get crispy... unless you like crispy, then bake up to 25 minutes. 
9. Let cool and cut into 12 squares.  
10. Store in an air tight container or zip loc bags for easy snacking! 

Note:  You can sub anything for the chocolate chips and apples... coconut, nuts, white chocolate, berries, banana chips... the possibilities are endless.

You could also pop these in the fridge instead of baking for about an hour and they'd be yummy and chewy instead of solid like these when baked.  

Inches!

I have begun to slow down in my weight loss... which is completly normal and typical.  I'm just over six month in and have lost the bulk of my weight.  Now... the long hard road to lose the last of my weight begins.  Exercise, eating right and really focusing is what I'll need to get to my goal!

With that said... since the pounds aren't shedding off as much... I thought I'd measure myself to see if the inches were still coming off.  And I'm happy to report that they are!!

I'm at a total of 59.75 inches lost!  Here's my inches chart so we can take a look back at my progression.  Click on it to make it big enough to read.

You can see that I've continued to lose those inches!!!  Most drastically in my midsection... thank goodness!  Cause that's where most of my weight still is.  

I've got a few more pounds until I hit my next goal of 199lbs... so until then, I won't be posting any before & after pictures.  I want that big milestone to be a big surprise! 

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Weight Loss Recap

Today's weight: 208lbs
Total weight loss: 117lbs
Weight loss since surgery: 106lbs

How my relationship with food has changed

Last week I was interviewed about how I'm able to continue to blog about food (via JavaCupcake.com), enjoy food and lose weight.  It really got me thinking about how my relationship with food has changed over the last six months.

Before the surgery, I loved to eat because of how it made me feel.  I could break open a package of Oreos in the comfort of my quiet living room, have a tall glass of milk and dunk a whole row of cookies.  I'd stop at the donut shop, pick up three of my favorite and eat them while watching The View after taking Emily to school.  I'd eat an appetizer, full entrée, dessert and a soda while out to dinner with friends.  I would feel satisfied, happy, content... and for those moments while I was eating, nothing else mattered except how it made me feel. I baked and cooked because the food tasted good, because it filled a void, because I was missing something inside and I was using that food to replace it.

Today, my relationship with food is a lot different.  I bake and cook because it makes OTHERS happy.  I get joy in seeing the looks on others faces when they bite into one of my cupcakes.  Sheer joy.  It's almost like a high.  Whenever Dave brings in leftover cupcakes to work... I ask for specific details on what his soldiers said and how they reacted.  I NEED to feel that joy.  It's addictive.

I don't eat food to fill a void anymore.  Why?  Because I physically can't.  My pouch (as I call my stomach) is only a few ounces big making it impossible to get in as much food as I used to.  So, I can't use food to fill anything.  I have to use to it make myself healthy and give my body the nutrients it needs to continue to lose weight.  I have to chose the right things to put in my mouth... and if I don't my body tells me and I get sick.  It's not fun.  Trust me.

So what does that mean really for my relationship with food?  I see food now differently... because I can't use it to enjoy physically... I use it to enjoy my life socially.   Being a food blogger, baking delicious cupcakes and brought me to be a part of a community of people who are like minded.  I have made friends, gone to countless social gatherings and have created memories for a lifetime.... all based on food.  Cupcakes!  Do I have to eat every cupcake in front of me?  No!  I allow myself a bite or two.  I order something I want to eat at dinner... but I don't over indulge.  I use that time around food to enjoy the company I am with.  Food brings people together.  It always have and always will... and I don't have to give that up.  I will embrace it.  Use it.  Enjoy it.

Food has brought me closer to people, made new friends and has enriched my life more in the last year than it has my whole life of stuffing it in my face.

Does that make any sense?

I'm really looking forward to seeing what new connections I can make through food in 2011 and in my travels in Germany, the UK and Europe!!!

This picture was from Dec. 21, 2010. 

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Weight Loss Recap

Today's weight: 210lbs
Total weight loss: 115lbs
Weight loss since surgery: 104lbs

BMI

BMI - Body Mass Index... it can be quite scary to think about how this number labels you.  Your BMI is a measure of your body fat based on your height and weight.

BMI Categories:

• Underweight = <18.5
• Normal weight = 18.5–24.9
• Overweight = 25–29.9
• Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater

Before my surgery, I weighed 325lbs and was 5'7''.  My BMI was 50.9.

Today, I weigh 210lbs and am still 5'7''.  My BMI is 32.9.  

WOW... What a HUGE difference.  Although I'm still in the "Obesity" category... That's a lot of BMI points to lose in six months!

I'm looking forward to seeing what my BMI will be in another six months!

To calculate your BMI, goto this site: http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/